Wednesday, January 28, 2015

storage effect

On a long-term scale, this storage effect can have significant impacts on selection, especially if selection is fluctuating over a long period of time. It is inarguable that selection will fluctuate over time with varying levels of environmental stability. For example, fluctuations in population density can drive selection on sex-limited traits. In less dense populations, females will have less opportunity to choose between males for reproduction. In this case, attractive males may experience both reduced reproductive success and increased predation pressure.

Thus, selection on males for sex-limited traits such as increased size (elephant seals) and weaponry (claws on fiddler crabs, horns on rhinoceros beetles) will change direction with fluctuation in population density.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

change in perspe

I know what happened. A change of perspective, and that change felt less exciting, less to write about, though the venom, testosterone and dopamine surged no less - at different times.
This disinclination shall soon pass. Like, right now.

The past lies in a fog, of forgetfulness. It is natural to have the neural pathways dispossessed of memories after an idle period. Major details remain while the contributing facets wither away - stump of a past, a forest of stumps if I turn to look back, with the ones recent on the trail fruiting but withering away in the lack of an agent, a transactional middleman that will sell the fruit before it rots and keep the tree alive. Too many trees, though, spoil the business.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

take more mine

Such a curious world we live in. I find it comical that everything gets back on track and derailed so easily. The transience of moments beats me. The play of Yin and Yang has been extraordinary, of late. Compound that with an average sleep of 4 hours in the past few days, and double-compound that with the realization that I could've just got my 8 and not bothered much at all. However, the halting problem again comes to explain, that given a program and a set of inputs, the program can't tell if and when it will terminate on those inputs - ie given me and my situation variables, I have no way of telling when the situation will collapse and reset.

I have this fuckin American Beauty ending playing out over and over again - just when everything seems to go right somebody or something is gonna put a gun and blow my brains to pulp. And despite, I plug it, let it heal, and it happens again.

The D taboo

It escapes the contours of my face and lands between death and apology. It's a coincidence, and sad to realize, of what is to come. Deaths and apologies. A very nervy state, indeed. It doesn't help that I'm officially working towards a certificate course in the ugly endless Greek argumentation; first milestone - make it ugly for oneself.

As unfortunate as death is, it is the law of nature. What is unfortunate is being reminded of it, like they trust I don't get it; the reminding of empty hallways and the void. People around my home are strangely indulgent about their deaths now.. I wasn't prepared for that when I had come here expecting the worst. The worst is now at hand, when everything seems alright, but the psyches.

Here's my cent on not being so imaginative - the Halting Problem. That no program can tell if it has been halted (terminated). Consciousness probably suspends inifinitely at the moment of death. One will not know when one is dead or if one is dead. That simple. Then what's to worry about?

The dead ones are those who have imagined themselves as that. There, too, lies the contradiction, that if somebody has prospected a future where they do not exist, and considering they don't suffer from thanatophobia, then there needs to be no concern about the future. But spare time, and being an audience to people in bad health and bad tv shows will have them concerned.
I thought death was a tacit agreement we made when we came to live. Let us focus on the part where we live, then.

Monday, January 05, 2015

small updates to end a big year

Hey blog. You deserved a knock, at least around the New Year's eve. 2014 has segued into 2015, and as each day of the new year has trickled by the urge has pushed itself, to rise to the top on this morning and make itself realized over a cup of Lopchu.

The first week of the new year has been serene, for more than one reasons. My mom, who suffered a stroke right at the cusp of the two years, got back home. (she's the reason why i'm here in Lko right now) It has been raining since Day 1 of 2015. The clouds, that were partly consumed in their 'ode to joy' kinda pouring at the start to the year, have been pushed aside by a breeze reinvigorating to the touch. I still remain as troubled on personal matters, but soon as I step outside and gaze across the rooftop, the spring in nature that I witness replaces the chaos in the mind. It resonates with that quote about the poor, how their physical toil takes them away from their mental pain, and hence keeps them happy. Nature does the same to an anguished person like me.

Deanguishing also takes place with visits to the Chowk, where me and baby brother score Kebabs, Makhhan Malai, Bhang and similar indulgences. Last we visited, we treated ourselves to a lotta free beverages, being distributed in the cramped lanes of old Lucknow on the eve of Id-ul-Milad; found a new winter drink - RoohAfza mixed with warm milk.