Saturday, April 30, 2022

Mahar Tata

So fragile this goal
A lover's journey
Simple words to roll by. Roll into increasing orders of urbanization.
Moments to make sense.. ones i sneak away on, when I'm feeling not anywhere. Only where there are the cockroaches crawling.
Felt consumed over the past few weeks. Shifting gears, as i try to make my day less consumed, more presumed. What better than train travel to aid that.. a simple note goes a long way when it's about the railways. 10-about to go with 18 remaining.

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

The violence inherent in the system



Sad seeing my valley get burnt, lately (t-3d, t] . Thousands of Bambi films at making, though a majority with not the same happy ending. Like the hares and snakes and porcupines in the burrows. Or the newly-hatched on the low-hanging tree branches and myriad thickets that populate the environs of mine. Out to watch the Lyrids, I, instead, watched the forests burn. The pine needles out here are akin to gunpowder, very rapid to catch fire from the littlest spark. That littlest would be shred somewhere deep in the abandonous outdoors, away from any espy, and then, the rest is history, one that also turns several lives into history. Our greatest sins go unknown, so goes for these fires, from their origin to the supportive acts/actors. In our abstract mind, the tiny bobbly fire-figures at a distance look innocuous, same ones which make senses turn violently against our psyche when seen as 10-ft giants up-close. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

22x1

.: namryt:.


Typing is a skill that declines little with time. I mean, I haven't lost it over time (or at the rate of) as much as I have with a pen and paper. When I lose track of 'writing', the comeback is usually harder than of typing. Easy responsibility of formatting is a motivating factor, I guess. It becomes especially hard to write again with no lines or margins or auto-spacing involved. The visual appeal of text needs to be reclaimed everytime someone takes a break from writing. Not so with typing. Though words are as visually boring in a text editor, they transform to a greater semantic diversity once we Publish or Preview. And there's a variety of those transformations to choose from, post-writing. Keep choosing. Curtly, typing is a taste of timelessness.

Some words around: dream, fri, lacto, challenge, G, executive, great, freemans, 22, lager, parameta,  himalaya, admissions, to, friend, balance, open, energy.

Some sounds: construction, bird, truck, horn, metal, cicada (s. sulphurea)

Some smells: none distinct

Sunday, July 11, 2021

Meditate


A few minutes back, the last pages of my first book read into my new year (Y37) and second in the new year (2021) happened. A small feeling of satisfaction took over. The book: Sandeep Jauhar's "Heart", which turned out an interesting read (that I rated ***** on GR just coz I felt charitable). That cardiology and computer science grew around each other (though the former starter first long long back, but its major advancements happened post-1900s), felt a worthy gained understanding. Both epitomize the leaps technology has taken. Another understanding - to live dominated by the parasympathetic system but also influenced by the sympathetic. Like, learning to live in resignation but also in hope. Keep telling myself that all of this is pointless but there is hope about things that I love to live on for.

Next, I will quickly start with another, coz the flow must go on. This flow is rare. Presently, I could've been a prouder person had I finished my shelf in the long gap that 2020-21 afforded, but I couldn't. Kinda made a mockery out of things I still label as "loves". Leading an indisciplined life has its conundrums.


Thursday, July 08, 2021

Once upon a life

 


... there was a person who blogged here. Then turned the tides, and the tree that the blog was stopped branching. Its roots thought it was enough where it had got to. But one branch still wanted to grow. It wanted to reach out to another branch on another tree. How it happened was a curious thing.

Our branch, sprouted the last in that fall when the tree stopped. Slowly the branch sprouted fully and gained an awareness through its new sensorial leaves. It came to know that there was another tree nearby, that sometimes caught the sun, sometimes reflected more of it. The branches of that tree had a distinct, different smell from our branch, such that just a whiff of it kept our branch feeling invigorated for the day. It obviously wanted to reach out, to get closer. But no matter how much the branch tried, it could not get its parent tree to make it grow, neither could it get its word to the adjacent tree. The branch felt sad. But we all have friends, don't we!

Everyday, the trees were visited by birds. As we know, trees and birds have developed their own language to communicate things. They talk about a lot of things - like about the animals in the forest, the fruits on various trees, where a landslide had happened, or which insects are around. In fact, it was a Magpie bird which told our branch details about the adjacent tree - how it stood 40ft apart to the South, how it rose 20ft taller than our tree, how it donned a pink veil of new leaves every spring, how the bark was smooth like a plant's, how the leaves played tennis with raindrops, and how insects never bothered that tree. Of those birds, 3 birds had a special friendship with our branch - an Owl, a Mynah and a Woodpecker. The Mynah sang a melodious tune to wake up the branch every morning, the Woodpecker played music for the branch through the day, and the Owl made scary noises to chase away any animal that came to eat our branch at night.

Our branch shared how it felt sad. All the 3 birds felt bad. They tried to think of an idea to help their friend. Could they order the trees? They were so small while the trees were so big. 


The Owl had an idea..
It whispered the idea to the Mynah and the Woodpecker. The Woodpecker flew down to the base of the tree. There, it started knocking on the trunk rising out of the ground with its bill, as hard as it could. And it worked! The roots woke up disturbed by all the knocking.

The roots said "Stop it, we were sleeping!"
The Woodpecker replied "Better be growing than be sleeping. Until then I will be knocking."
The roots asked "What do you mean? Why can't you leave us alone?"
The Woodpecker then explained "I am very angry, because you are not letting our friend branch, grow more."
The roots said, "We are very old now. We feel very lazy and sleep all day."
The Woodpecker threatened them, "No sleep till you help my friend.. I will make noise so loud and dig a hole so big that you'll never get a peaceful sleep"
The roots begged, "No, please don't do that! You leave us alone. We will make the branch grow." And so the tree immediately sent more food supplies to our branch so it will grow.

The Mynah flew to the other tree. It sat down, quietly. After a few minutes, the tree asked.
"Why are you so quiet? Please sing a beautiful melody."
"I am quiet because I am thinking of living somewhere else."
"Why do you want to do that?"
"Because I want to build a nest."
"Why, my big branches have all the space you need to build a house. Why don't you?"
"Because I only build my nest where two trees meet."
"Oh is that so! I will then make my branches grow. There is a tree just 40ft away and my branches are nearly touching it. I will make those branches meet, but please don't go."
"If you are such a wonderful tree to help me build a good nest, then I won't leave you." said the Mynah and sang a flatteringly beautiful note. The tree felt happy and asked a branch to grow.

The three birds felt very proud of themselves. The day both the branches met, they help a party under the tree canopy and invited other forest animals. 

Uh, where was I?

Wednesday, December 09, 2020

Goodbye Arceibo

 

Demonstrations never fail. You not only demonstrated, but ruled a field of research for a good two generations. And you died, with a bang - anthropomorphically comparing, that's a superior way. The tree of research built upon your utility has given to everyone directly. You made us feel both small and large at the same time.

Monday, April 13, 2020

Ron Jeremy Baader-Meinhof

Yesterday was one of such days where I stumbled into an obscure name twice, through different paths, converging on this one name - Ron Jeremy. This obscure occurrence itself is called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.

How?
First, this Nardwuar interview with Ron Jeremy (very interesting/revealing) [RJ is totally deserving of a coronation by some royalty, such has been his impact on an industry and popular consciousness]




And then this Opus' - an 80s rock band - recent performance of Live is Life. [I'm excited to learn the song was born in 1985, like I]
Among the comments, was an Isaak, noting that "Didn't know Opus was fronted by Ron Jeremy"



Exciting, innit.

Sunday, April 12, 2020

ВИБХУ

Back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back...

Resuming here at the encouragement/validation of the ole' rat. I had no idea whether he started talking about my blog in a genuine fashion, but it resulted in resolves that I can forthright fulfill. Doing that now.

2019 stands out as the year when I totally quit the tradition of blogging. Not a single post. I did get to a draft, though, which could now see life.
Not that I quit the writing altogether - just that paper medium has become the default goto. If blogging hadn't died and blogging apps had a better interface, probably I'd have continued here. I'm curious if the practice (writing) itself is an earlier generation thing - the popular communication and reach-out mediums of today are multimedia-based, which obviously wins over plain text, but it churns the world to a different paradigm.

During the time of this lockdown, I have been binging on majorly a coupla things
1. Nature
2. Peep Show
Peep Show (British TV series) - Wikipedia

Peep Show is fantastic. It came around 10 years back, but only in 2019-2020 did I come to know of it. I got hooked to the snippets on Youtube, and fell in love with its characters just from those. Jurassic to find it, all episodes worth, on Netflix, about a month back. Once the lockdown ensued, I had to clip my wings (or fold 'em back in the elytra), and that was useful to get started on the series proper.

It has been a while that I followed any comedy series. I think I live upto the frenzy of following - immersed in the nuances of characters, sets, situations. Master of None was the latest, that too over a year behind now (reminds that I am not fully done with it and can resume it). To think of something before it, there's Detectorists, Little Britain, Californication. And the The Simpsons loooong before that (albeit I keep going down the Simpsons hole on Youtube often, unprecedented laughter briefly ensues).

All the actors in Peep Show, no matter how little they come around for, are done fantastic. The main ones - Mark, Jez, Sophie - are stalwarts. (PS: Olivia Coleman, the Sophie, won an Oscar, recently, which tells the caliber of the cast) The rest of em, too are memorable - just to recall them off my memory, there's Nancy, Big Suze, Elena, Johnson, Big Hans, Debbie, Gerard, Sarah. Enough number of people to attach to as a fan of. Oh, and there's the girl who plays a nurse at the hospital, and has a screen-time of around half a minute, JA... who I took an immediate fancy to (she turned out to have roots from my subcontinent), who even wins over Mark in their first encounter, which he soliloquizes "I wish you were having my baby".

That show is Tickety Boo!

Saturday, September 15, 2018

This pen needs a refill

Clearly, this has been a dead place for a while. The blog accrued half a dozen spam comments in the meantime, those too exclusively focused on escort services. It seems one bad bot has been "using" my blog. The other bot, ie me, has been focused elsewhere. As things have come to be, sustaining isn't getting easier. The irregularity at blogging has been among the earliest of hints. Old modes of daily existence turning into once-beens.

The new mode of existence is similar in nature to the old one - dithered, mismanaged - only that it comprises of different specificities in a different time and place. In other words, call it the regular course. Our lives ain't static. Change is inevitable. Me has been at the receiving end of some recent change.

Monday, June 25, 2018

Feelers in Y34

It has gone far too long. I still live on without any understanding as to why my organism sometimes tends to crash soon as I get to reading (in particular). Lethargy from incomplete sleep, or tired state of being, seems the best possible answer this far - but not the definitive answer. I could induce another bout of sleep - after a night's sleep - through reading, which happened just a coupla hours back. Even now, as I start to write and engage in functional mental capabilities, a yawn happens. It is annoying - the act itself is distracting, and to think about it will be more distracting, and will get me further sleepy. Not fair.

It is the 1st  (first) day of this guy's 34th year of existence on this planet. A detestably pleasant life this has been this far. The scheming continues, but the end results continue to elude. Impulses still ride high. Highs still persist. Lows still loom. Wonder if the guy will bloom or meet his doom. Ideally, one should enculture oneself to not take offence at either. If sleep doesn't take over right at the commencement of productive activities, things could turn out for the better.

Saturday, June 02, 2018

Salty physics

She took the pinch of salt in her tiny palms. It was an uncharacteristic yellow because of the crushed turmeric, and dotted with red by ground-up chilli flakes. A proximal grown-up instructed her how to enjoy the salt - to dab a bit on a fingertip of the opposite hand, and lick it off that.

She had a go, as instructed. The first dab got very little on her dry fingertip. She still went ahead with the lick. A wet finger emerged from her mouth, post-lick, which was then used for another dab. This time a nice coat of salt enveloped her fingertip. Second dabs are the best. Her finger headed back for her tongue.

The sensation - of a salt-coated fingertip on the tongue - was a new one for her. Her mouth felt disrupted, a tiny shock from salt. Her tastebuds jumped from the ingredients in the mix. The chilli flakes, in particular, came off as too hot to handle.

In the little time she'd spent observing her world, she'd learnt that any hot sensations from food imply a hot food, and the best way to fix the hotness of the food, to have it turn into manageable warmness, was to blow at the food. Her mum would do that when feeding her in morsels - phoo, phoo, deliver... phoo, phoo, another one.

She blew, too. A determined puff on the palm -  phoo! The salt disappeared.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

An Indian Love Story

They met at a company dinner. He had just finished a hard day at work, and finally had some moments to relax his aching nerves. "Fourty-Five is no age to be working like I used to at twenty," he thought to himself. Indeed, that's what his body screamed, too. Gray had replaced black as the dominant color of his hair and beard (whenever it worked its way through on long weekends) over the past 10 years. Also, he now preferred the comfortable seat of the sofa cushion over the haphazard styles that he could commit to - on any sort of surface - back in his college days. He had become more solitary these days, and luxuries had come to be his new friends.

Without thinking too much into his situation, he listened to the shehnai-walas playing. The music stirred something in him. He felt hungry. A glance towards the feeding end of the hall showed that dinner had not yet been served. Having ruined his stomach over the previous weekend gorging on street delicacies, he didn't want to risk having the snacks offered. Then he noticed a queue forming at the feeding end. He wasted no time, and raced to join the queue, a proud 5th position finish.

As the queue got longer, the buzz in the room increased. Everybody was trying to rush through conversations, with an eye on when the dinner would be served. The queue, meanwhile, swelled in size. He looked back, an felt prouder of his decision to give up a comfortable seat; in his head he patted himself for making good decisions with long-term goals in mind. The 4 others ahead of him accommodated 14 more people - as is the norm with families strategizing their food assault on dinner parties, - which slightly put him off, but not by much as behind him now queued hundreds. He would be the 19th person on the dishes, which meant the best bits in all gravy dishes would still be for the grabs.

Just then, the first tinker of cutlery... somebody lifted a plate off the deck. Then another tinker... a spoon being removed from the stack. Then another one... the lid on first of the dishes being removed. Then the tinkers picked tempo as more lids were removed off the dishes and more people nudged forward and picked up cutlery. The first smells of gravy dishes wafted through the air and grew thicker, a phenomenon that everybody appreciated, as it helped build an appetite for multiple servings, especially after the past coupla hours with snacks.

After the 18th person, came his turn. He was swift in arming himself; age had made him better at least at this, he realized. The first table consisted of salad - several kinds of raw fruits and vegetables and sprouts cut and arranged in tempting shapes, and some covered in attractive colouring, begging to be picked and eaten. But he was no kid to buy into such ruse.. He was here for the big food. He knew that the salads were only meant to distract people from the mains and help with savings for the food contractor.  He ignored the salad trays and headed straight for the main dishes. He wouldn't do with any but the juiciest "chaap" pieces in the mutton stew, which he already knew would be on offer.

Curse the kid who did not realize the things that he did. The kid with the family ahead of him, who hesitated, but then did stop for the salad - the star-shaped watermelons and glacially-arranged sprouts had succeeded. As with kids, this one turned awkwardly, and hunched awkwardly to reach for the fruit. His one leg pulled back to keep his balance. This leg was what came to be our man's undoing.

Cutting across straight for the non-veg counter, he tripped over the kids' leg. His body picked up an unexpected sideways momentum, which his brain had no prior knowledge of, and hence could do nothing to control. The hunger suspended and was replaced by panic, as he felt his body hurtle down towards the dishes. He could see himself heading for either Paneer Pakhtuni or Paneer Lababdaar. Nothing could drive his hate of cottage cheese more, than seeing his head dipped in a vesselful of it. A new realization dawned in that split second... that his life won't be the same in another second.

Then, as if commissioned by God himself, came the hand that gripped him by the shoulder and stopped his fall.

[... to be continued]

Psychopath's Grooming


Reading on "grooming behavior" lends a further approval to the aphorism "nothing in this world free".
Grooming is a manipulation tactic used by most predators to gain the trust of their victims and their caretakers. Within grooming the predator may provide gifts, attention, time, mentoring, special privileges, alcohol, drugs, or companionship. If the abuser is successful, the grooming process will connect positive experiences to the perpetrator within the victim's mind. 

Essentially, what the groomer is saying is: "This is the beginning of a long-winded transaction, at the end of which I'll be the one to profit and maximally so, through my techniques of delayed manipulation. At a later stage when I decide to take advantage of you or abuse you in any way, either you would perceive it as good, or see it as an exception that is outweighed by all other goods I have done (for you), or treat it with ignorance (assent without much deliberation), or in retrospect understand it as something because of your own fault."

How we understand this world is being upfront transactional. We might sometimes lament about this culture of "transactionality", but in most cases, it is laying the foundation for a fair game. There are predators operating under the guise of favors and charity who give benevolent or empathizable behavior a bad name.
The bottom line - grooming is manipulation and demonstrates the predator’s premeditation to later violate their target.
Most of the things that shock us today start with grooming... because abuse is a long road. The longer the chapters take, the more our hearts cry out if we do ever get to know about em. Some last for a lifetime, and are buried as secrets with the abuser and the abused.

CTX

Linguistic takeover of terrorism


Radicalism has been bandied about as bad word, and a profile type to avoid/deter, not only out of our lives, but out of our societies. The term attaches bad connotation to a word that could otherwise swing both ways. Just like "kafir", or "heretic" in earlier connotation. Today we celebrate the heretics of the past, and several social/cultural reforms have been attributed to them. Renaissance had a lot of em. Our age of enlightenment, which led to the technologically driven and factually wholesome societies today (which I love more often than loathe) would'nt have come unless there were people who were labeled as outsiders for the most part.

Radical only means "relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough." 
That seems benign by definition. There could be good or bad radicals. 
The bad, malicious, sociopathic radicals are taking over the word in today's world. 
What do the good radicals get? - a  lukewarm word like 'reformer'.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

A seeking on the night of lights


A tiny glance, a tiny question, and a curt negation. That was it for my visit to the nearby temple for some peacetime indulgences, a mission unaccomplished. Then I caught a pair of eyes questioningly staring at me, probably on a same mission. To them, I gestured in negation. The temple priest could thank me for one inquiry less day. My negation was enough to turn that person - who belonged to those eyes - back from where he'd been coming in from.

I caught up to the person before he could leave. A gray-haired but still very able elderly gentleman, in a religious garb of unquestionably Hindu flavor - the ochre/saffron kurta and wraparound an easy giveaway - with a curled walking stick in one hand that served more as an aesthetic than a functional purpose.
"Any other place to seek?" I inquired him.
"There's another one ahead" he replied.
And that's how we two became a team, brought together by a common seeking. Although unintentionally so, we stuck together for the next coupla hours. A very long time for seekers' fulfillment, indeed.

Thanks to such pairing, I got to see a new face of the city that I call home (Home Numero Uno). Novelty being my main drug, came aplenty on this eve. There were places, people, things and attitudes, that I stumbled into, and got to observe and experience, who I've never observed or interfaced with before.

From the Shani Mandir, we walked to the Devraha Ghat, a mere stone's throw away. Apparently the Gomti river-front is densely populated with ashrams and saint-adobes. The Ghat itself is a non-entity for the time being. The recent river-front renovation plans have pushed them into oblivion, or to better put, off the map of the new seekers. People don't visit them anymore, because they offer neither an inner calm or external aesthetic. Only once the renovation work is completed, will the ghats be restored to their earlier prime. The old people still know these exist, and visit for channelising their faith - someone who understands how faith works can better explain.

The Devraha Ghat is in a mess, apart from the temple of Devraha Rishi (देवरहा बाबा) , which is small but elegantly done. It is rare to come across idols of Indian ascetics as the centerpiece, but here's one. As I thought, such deifications/reverances gives the venue a more human appeal, and is a more effective way to connect to the spiritual core, than putting up idols of the ultra Gods of the Indian canon.

The time we turned into the temple complex adjoining the ghat, was coincidental with a devotee - a middle aged gent in a formal attire of a shirt and pants - finishing his prayers to a marble idol of the saint. At the end of the prayers, the being of the devotee is suffused with bliss. Besides, there is also an activation of the sacred offerings/prasad (प्रसाद), which after being offered to the divinity is then ready for human consumption. Being the only ones around, the good-natured blissful gent shared the Prasad with us. A coupla laddoos (sweetmeat) for I; and the same, plus Rs50 for my friend (for appearing overtly Hindu or overtly hermit, I suppose).

Thus, free food was achieved. Wait, what about that which we came seeking? - that still remained unaccomplished. Taking a gander, the hermit was dismayed - confirmed that his usual liaison was missing today. Then we planned to seek further ahead. Walking out of the temple complex, we took to the road for Q.

About a hundred meters into our resumed walk, the hermit spotted a rickshaw puller on the opposite side - a short, rotund, gray-beard - reminded of the laughing Buddha. Apparently he was an amicable guy who often had the same seeking as ours. I was instructed to hop across, and find out if he could help us. So I did. Alas, he responded in negation - the sources he mentioned were already tried and found dried up. I crossed the road back, to update the hermit. Thus, we continued further in our seeking.

Conversation happened in bursts during the long walks. Where thee be from? What thee be upto? What be thee family? Why thee be out on a day of familial attractions and obligations? Answers to these, interspersed with narratives and stratagem involving that which we were out to seek. Then a sudden few minutes of quiet. But whatever did to keep us motivated and ease his anxiety about this "lad" who decided to follow.

We turned in towards Q from the big and busy "tiraha". The hermit had planned to find a guy who satisfied seekings. He was upfront in telling me that this'd be a Muslim boy we'd be visiting; maybe he was getting over his own stance of censure to men of other religiosities (as I'd expect an overtly Hindu guy to be).

In a coupla hundred meters, we hit a square, at one corner of which was the Sharda Mata Temple. Our seekings were diverted to the frontyard of this temple, upon spotting the priest and another shaggy old fella satisfying their seeking in full view of the traffic buzzing by. The priest was a young, athletic-seeming fella who was balanced against a temple pillar; and opposite to him, at about a coupla armlengths, sat the shaggy fella busy with the seeking; and to their side, we perched.

A hit happened. A short conversation between the hermit and the shaggy fella also happened. They discussed possibilities of seeking around old Lucknow that night. Also discussed was how I didn't know the physics to a perfect chillum drag. In that time, the priest's lady (priestess?) also made an appearance. Dressed in ochre, similar to her husband, she exuded a calm, pious and sincere vibe. I hope my drifting gaze didn't offend the priest - I did think about how they co-exist, running the temple as a home, and if the priest were in direct connection with the Gods, he could've read my mind and got offended.

The shaggy fella knew a nearby prospect source. The hermit and I bid farewell and resumed the seeking. We were upbeat that this would be it. Only a few meters in, we spotted our source, languishing by the roadside, adjacent to a ragpickers' collective, in the dark of the twilight. Turns out his protege was the same Muslim guy that the hermit had earlier mentioned, and that the protege was off to his village. No luck for us here, either. Onwards, comrade.

We walked past the Q Bus Depot - memories of my travels came rushing. Past it, we took the left, towards Aminabad, which was the last venue we had decided to check out before closing our seeking for the eve. It was the longest stretch of our walk together. Past the Tunday wali gali, past the main square, past the footwear and apparel stores, to get to the Aminabad chowk (square). From the chowk, we took another left - into the avenue that I'd never explored before. Experiencing the buzz of the busy marketplace, we reached our final venue, a temple complex. The hermit turned inside, through the gates, and I followed. We skirted around the main temple, and reached the residential complex behind it - our venue. An open, thatch-roofed courtyard facilitated hangouts, and that's where we settled at after divesting of footwear.

Alien eyes darted all about. More specifically, 5 pairs of alien eyes. There was a priest, whom I greeted respectfully. With him was another visitor, or a friend. Then there were three adolescents, snake charmers by (situationally forced) profession, sitting with their snake boxes by their side. There were a few  beedis lying about - just the empty outer leaf. The inner contents of the beedis (aka the tobacco) had been exhausted. Where they were exhausted were on a newspaper. What for, needed no explanation. We were in a Shiv Mandir. Satisfaction was in progress.

The priest and his friend settled down in a cross-legged posture on the floor in the middle of the courtyard. The hermit got an invite to join in, and I followed. We seated next to those two, and thus our tiny circle of four came to be. The snake charmers, who were satisfying their seeking independently in the meantime, were asked and they offered us a tiny amount of what they had. A mix was prepared, and packed into a chillum. Then a hit.

When that finished, efforts started towards another one. The hermit was entrusted with beedis to dismantle and salvage tobacco from. I helped with optimization, making sure none of the tobacco got left behind in the beedis. The priest and his friend started a conversation that got louder with time, as its contents gained sensationality. At one point of time, the priest was narrating an incident about an accident of a friend entailing a visit to the doctor, who upon a single glance at the injured declared him to be a thug, which was a correct observation (as per the priest). It is at this time that I jumped into the conversation, asking the priest to be more specific. This is what got us talking.

The priest was a memorable kinda character. He wasn't the typical priest (as depicted in teleseries). A break from the traditional mould, I'd say. Young, disciplined in the way he'd maintained his body, simple in a vest and an ochre wrap, conversant. The last part was the most untypical about him. He would occasionally use English words, uttered in correct pronunciation. The first time I heard him, he was lampooning Baba Ramdev for fooling people with diabetes medicine. It was interesting to get in a conversation with this guy, though by the end of the evening, it got kinda annoying.

The priest introduced himself as Ashutosh, and his friend Rajkumar. I also introduced myself. My name was enough to start a discussion with the priest, him being overly fussy in how it should be correctly pronounced (duh, like I didn't know). Upon learning of my background, he mentioned his younger brother who was doing his bachelors in engineering from Annamalai University far down south (India). Then he started raving about Ankit Fadia - apparently he thought highly of him. Or maybe he wanted to interest the techie me. I interjected at this point, to clarify that AF isn't as bright a character as made to seem. I didn't reveal how AF was a mere script kiddie who had been declared a charlatan at DefCon, and whose appointment as Digital India campaign's brand ambassador dismayed me greatly.

In the meantime, another round of chillum was prepared. Before we could start, Rajkumar mentioned about my incorrect handling of the chillum, then taught me a good way to pull (there are 3 or 4 good ways, overall).

The human dimension is boundless, and I had a good run through it on this eve.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Field observations on a random day

A night ghoom has been most stimulating. A mantis, several Barsines, a few Geometrids, a coupla frogs, a groovy caterpie.. all these to welcome me, who is back to the most familiar place in my life aka home after 3 days. It wasn't a long separation, but sure feels like it, since there has been a bloom of several new species in the past week following the monsoons. The caterpillars that fed voraciously on the fauna all around are now pupating and imago-ing. Their last stage is the most exciting, since their bodies attain unique forms, more so than their caterpillar stages. It is seldom that the things most beautiful as caterpillars turn out as adult form in rather simple shapes and muted colours, but that is also one line of evolution that has gone right. Everything in the moth world gets hunted and eaten, by much larger predators of various kinds, and every size has its own hiders and seekers.

A few other reasons why the last stage of butterflies/moths is a WIN:
- A new set of legs achieved
- A new mobility mechanism achieved: Flight
- New panic response sets and related mobilities achieved
- A great transition from living as an egg-bound species, to a subterranean (as a larva), to living on the forest floor (as a caterpillar), and flying on the sweep of winds all day (as an imago)
- A redistribution of body mass achieved
- A new vision achieved
- A new feeding mechanism achieved: Proboscis
- A new food achieved: Nectar
- A new growth mechanism achieved: Molting
- A great set of sensory mechanisms achieved - highly developed antennae (among the lepids, moths have a higher sense of smell than butterflies, and also, moths have antennae in very complex shapes while butterflies have clavate antennae - surely developed in response to the need for more predictable flight and least wind resistance), highly resilient bodies (in this case as well, the moths have an upper hand - many of them even shun mouth parts to conserve their final stage bodies and do nothing but lounge during the day and breed at night, with the male being the one doing the traveling looking for a "transmitting" female through trails of pheromones scattered in the 3d spaces in nature)

In general, a much greater world awareness achieved.
Maybe they don't get as much time to think about the world as an imago. As caterpillars, they spend much more time immobile and sated, maybe that's when they do most of their thinking.

meeting old friends

As I was contemplating dinner, a friend called, and exhorted me to step out with him for a while. Being depressed through much of the day - part needs, part existential musings, - I assented. We rode (on his mobike) to Kth for a casual encounter with the T.

Indian Cricket, Sachin Tendulkar, our old friend SS and Barry Bhai were the topics of discussion. I felt myself short of words or opinions on any of these topics.

The most sensational of updates was that SS has been missing since November of 2016. His wife quit the marriage not much before that - she was apparently treated like a dolt, like a tool.

Thursday, September 07, 2017

People who push your perspective

Experiences with people (real ones) is bewildering, to say the least. The most recent one left me existentially enervated. That it followed a hearty lunch, leaves me with an additional feeling of guilt - the guilt of gluttony and hedonistic indulgence.

As I returned home from the last official task of the day, I spotted an incoming Rik. The challak (driver) alighted  before a speed bump. By the look in his eyes, I had the impression that he had expectations with me. My impression was proven right when, nearing him, he urged me to climb on, for a drop. Since I was close to home, and moreover since I rarely excuse myself from a brisk walk whenever the chance, I declined his exhortations.

"बस थोड़ा ही जाना है"
"10 रुपये दे देना छोड़ देंगे साहब"

From his tone, he seemed desperate for money. I, having already crossed him, turned, and doled him a 20 rupee note. The gesture made him emotional. He lifted up his shirt to show me a stitched-up body from a recent operation - a long vertical cut extending from the sternum to below the navel, stitched poorly, dusted with some medicine.

To someone raised in an environment of sufficiency, nightmares of stitches opening and organs spilling out (with considerable blood, of course) come to the imagination aplenty. However, this guy seemed above those considerations. To the poor, rest after surgery is not an option. Here was this guy, into an occupation that demanded physical exertion, trying to have a day out working despite his organism's condition.  As a daily wage earner, the only options he had were : to make it worse by not earning, or to make it worse by exerting, of which he chose the latter.

He then started explaining how his daily medicines itself needed 100-150 bucks. Then his voice got thin and wheezy , and he got teary-eyed. It was not an enjoyable moment for I, and I shudder at thinking what kind of moment it were for him. I marched onwards, feeling heartless.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Learning to RUN again

हम तो बस कुदरत के मुरीद
तबियत हरी जब सब हरा-भरा

The monsoonal showers have almost concluded, seeing how this week has been. My greenhorn analysis is that it will rain little over the coming week, and we'll have consecutive rain-free mornings that will enable me to get out to appreciate nature, to consequently improve my cardio and build some fresh muscle. These summers (to conclude with these monsoonal showers) have been a season much spent indoors - the multi-ligament-tear event of March responsible for that.

The guilt got in so hard. Thanks to an excellent company, however, that I'm getting to rub off the guilt fast. I get to love my body again, reinvigorating the cyclic narcissism to a greater specificity (than ever before), and hope to come off with it with a greater intention towards the world-out-there. The good 'ol days of pain and sweat are back. If nothing else, they give me a great distraction to lean on towards the end of August.

Today was a hard morning out. Got back home in sweat; added some more in proximity. The motivator for pain is the upcoming Nainital Half (Marathon). Today was the only day I could endure some pain on the organism that is to be unleashed for the big day, which is only a day away. Yes, ye heard that right - from naught, I committed to running 21k, over the course of 2 days. The 'course' is actually that of a single day, that is just today, since Day 2 will be a rest day, as is advised.

The challenge was taken up last year, and passed. This year, circumstances have led to a situation where I'm at great odds for running a circuit of 21k - especially in the hilly terrain with uphills that could kill, - which I hope to beat and come through with yet another finish. Must transform.

Dr. FG FTW

The day ahead isn't gonna be an easy or simple one. Several and diverse decisions and action-points remain. If not done today, then they'll carry over to tomorrow and be a burden to rest of my existence, much like how I've been carrying a lot of baggage from my past 32 years of living. There seems to be no break in the frustration of and from actions and imaginations. Good that I am least knowledgeable or the situation would've been worse. Yes, it could be worse. Every day is spent realizing that it could be worse.

Regardless of the worse-ness and irrespective of the worth-ness, I bumped into a smooth character from the itihaas (aka the past), who is now no more, but whose words pull some cords with eager soulfulness even in a person living in today's age, 25 years since he was gone. Firaq Gorakhpuri is his name. Ghazal-writing (aka "Hindustani" poetry) is his game. His romanticism is refreshing, underrated.

शाम भी थी धुआँ-धुआँ, हुस्न भी था उदास-उदास।
दिल को कई कहानियां याद सी आ के रह गई॥
बहुत पहले से उन कदमों की आहट जान लेते हैं,
तुझे ऐ ज़िंदगी हम दूर से पहचान लेते है

And here's a new personal favorite, drawing similes to her from nature.
आइन ए नील गूं से फूटी है किरन
आकाश पे अधखिले कंवल का जोबन
यूँ उदी फ़ज़ा में लहलहाती है शफ़क
जिस तरह खिले तेरे तबस्सुम का चमन।