Who says I'm lonely.. My soliloquies have kept me company.
Right now I'm riding the high horse that comes with the return of Koupm; that is, the play of imagination, or my construed reality. As it happens, Primera Amor returns, and I aggressively surprise her and restore my version of sanity. Nothing better on this ride back to Delhi than think of acche din, which don't seem around outside this imagination - Modi Sarkar and apni Sarkar both have disappointed of late. The cute couple to my right sleeping in a dogpile with limbs stretching in all directions, puts reality into perspective, so maybe the imagination isn't that distant - of settling back into mush.
In retrospect, I still do think a lot into us. It was fvckd that it fell apart, and even more fvckd that I have certitude through our recordings that it wasn't meant to. Just this afternoon as I started on work trail, I stumbled into a recent clip of my molting after two weeks under the sun, and her pleasure at stripping my skin away, and enjoyed it to the extent of forgetting our offences and having a laugh. One day a few tears might follow.
Still hard to digest that "We just can't be with each other" would end up our reality. Our reality is different, and undermined in all ways by erstwhile GF. As I shared with Pa that falling back to the past all I see is our streak of crazy whole she sees ruin. Well, it takes compatible crazies to make a perfect ruin, too. She better understand or wait another lifetime.
//20150618, enroute Delhi
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