"Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth." — Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
For greatness, I need depression. Looking at the state of things, I deserve depression. Somehow I don't find myself there - fighting some overwhelming feeling of failure, listening to NIN's Hurt, holding sharp objects while contemplating, calling up friends and weeping over the phone... clearly something's horribly wrong. Depression feels like my prerogative at this moment, and yet here I am, satisfied; maybe even... that H word... Happy.
To make amends, I got hold of a friend - M - recently diagnosed with thyroid complications, for which the prescribed medicine warned (for me, advertised) of certain side effects, one among those being - TADA! - depression. I was very excited to call up, and find M in a state of depression as a result of the meds - which confirmed the efficacy of those pills, - to get out of which I recommended we met up, Friday itself. Alongside, I asked M for some of the medicine too. God bless Thyroid. I had a weekend of depression to look ahead to. FUN!
We met, went out to Pizza Hut, where we talked, and sampled from their ongoing Italian carnival. All was fine till the point that I paid the bill in courtesy, only to find M having taken the medication thing lightly, and having none at hand. All I got was a "LOL, really?" expression. So, there, my plans were squashed. That made me feel so sad, that I almost went into depression. But I didn't, so, fail, again.
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