Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

dreaming bromides, sehjal olifera

Woke up in a fix. Had dreams I couldn't understand. Wishing that I were still with Mwg who would spend hours interpreting my dreams, at the expense, of both our office times and the world economy (since our employers were international cos); she enjoyed picking on my subconscious hurt. Back then, however, I had a rather simplistic theme of snakes ongoing. Like a short movie, they were mostly about one person (me or somebody) going through a trippy moment or a transforming experience. Now they have bloated to being about one person, and another person, and with a lot of other persons around. Highlight of the dream was embrace moments with ex, and a record throw of breaking a Seven Tiles tile-pile from a throw from hundreds of yards and over the treetops - like a Remi Gaillard video.

So it happens that a coupla weeks after running into a gentleman who was running a Sehjan / Sejal / Sejan (Moringa Oleifera) plantation somewhere in Ghaziabad (suburbs of Delhi), I come across a convincing train of data and YT videos on the efficacy of the tree. It's serves a broad range of proteins / amino acids, and Vit C, Calcium, Vit A, Protien, Potassium, times multiple of that contained in other food sources. I shall get in touch promptly plan to dope myself with some unusual bio-hacks (is that what Ayurveda is, or claims to be, all about unprocessed natural concoctions?).

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

ldldldldldldldldldld

I didn't realize until I got up, dealt with the regular intimidations and annoyances in the household, planned the breakfast, and got down to work on the machine. First of the illuminated pixels brought me the last tab that I'd been working on before heading off to sleep last night - notes on FILD or Finger Induced Lucid Dreaming. Yes, so it happened that my Reddit history brought up LucidDreaming, I obliged with a keypress ([Enter]) to land there. Yes, so it happens that I'm into lucid dreaming - dreams have always been my forte and it's only of late that I've stopped being serious about what I dreamt.

I tried FILD (http://www.dreamviews.com/induction-techniques/4779-finger-induced-lucid-dream-fild.html) things before drifting off to my early sleep last night. I played the piano, and didn't let my mind wander. This morning I was recollecting to Kru how I was floating over our bed, watching her. Forgetful me forgot the very thing he pushed into a relaxed sleep for - to encounter an episode of LD. I admit that it looked more like a regular $subconscious->pop() dream than LD, but it had shades similar to what people give in LD. I didn't do much while I was floating, or had a conscious thought that I was, so I'll lean on the side of a 'negative'. But with practise and persistence, maybe it will work.

Monday, November 05, 2012

Dream connect

D, my friend sitting 5200 miles surprised me, when he told me about his previous night's dream, where I was taking refuge at his apartment, after having killed a former batchmate (though some in the real would find relief in the prospects of that happening). This connects with my own dream the same night where - the sketchy details that survive tell me that - I was disposing a body by the end of my dream. Creepy.

That gives me the idea of making an online dream channel for each person on this planet, where people who had them in their dream could add their narratives (even anonymously). Isn't that rad?!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

moar dream frenzy

As ugly as it gets. I have a dirty tag in me now - a killer, a coward.

I could've saved saved that shark. Now I've got to dispose of it.
I could've saved the G as well. Now his only memory is those three last frames on the tape, before the flood swept him away. Poor guy.
I could've done better with the dog as well. Now look who's got blood (and viscera) matted into his hair and into his tee, standing at the kitchen sink...
Blood, fluids, the stench, the cleaning up.
[Update: 2 days later, I was disposing away a dead dog for real - the blood, fluid, cleaning up part...]

When weird and random are coupled, its means misery for moi.
'Kafkaesque' is what best describes the varied scenes from my dreams. Still trying to find out the connect or the interpretation of these so called 'symbols' - my guess is that nothing could satisfy a yearning for explanation, so might as well just go with it instead of subjection to reflection.

My subconscious surely couldn't be influenced by my last thoughts before going to bed - of making love with electrodes on (note: not to be confused with electrostimulation) :|

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Maxing out on sleep

Oh boy, sure am having the best of sleeps in this new place that I've moved into (and that I'm now supposed to move out of - but that's for another narrative). I've occupied the innermost room, or the "pimp room" as I call it 1. This room sees no light, which is fabulous for my purpose. I could not tell day from night unless I steal a peek at the watch on the Windows 7 dashboard; I could not even tell whether it was 12:58PM (with a coupla' hours either side) without having performed the aforementioned. It is this kind of place I find myself comfy in, and the body is as the body does - it makes the best of everything. No wonder why I'm rousing into wakefulness at 12:58PM writing this blogpost, while I should be out there either working or pwning CISF jawans.

The sleep is so good that I'm not dreaming anymore. That kinda worries me, as I've always found my dreams - as weird as they get - to give me really fun analysis to do through the day. There have been no french girls piggybacking me lately, no dogs with oversized jaws chasing, no murders to investigate, no hanging out with dead friends, no sorceresses making out, no deaths, no snakes. If Freud had me under observation, he'd pull me out on the grounds of sleeping too peacefully. Maybe the weird part of me stems from this interface between my conscious and subconscious, breaking which might just make me less abnormal, which I dread! Freaky is good sometimes.

At a more worldly evaluation, I've already expressed how it affects my professional life (which I'm expecting to terminate soon - but that's for another narrative as well). Besides that, now my "regimen" also bears a fractured look - I didn't go out this morn as well, much like yesterday, which means that my sub-90-minute half-marathon ambitions will not be realized this Sunday; I'll probably be running like the other gazillion who show up in the name of validation.

*1 with an ulterior vision to convert it into a base for the debauched (okay, exaggerated word usage), so that friends come expecting a death, and really do find it here. Death, here, means an overnight re-appropriation of one's worldly (and otherworldly) concerns - and the modes of death being an assortment of alco, (evil) music, (evil) conversations, flavored hookah, tobacco, cannabis indica, bob hope, and Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche readings. Note the emphasis on evil - yes, it has to be, so none of your Justin Bieber, or Arcade Fire, or Coldplay, or T20 cricket get involved.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Lady in Blue

C, you did it. You aren't D, anymore. You now have the distinction of being among my seducers. Not that it really was an act of seduction, or the appropriate setting for it, or the intended mood graph (against a time axis).

You shouldn't have come. You shouldn't have stayed. You shouldn't have stepped back out of your car. You shouldn't have come back running. And you - as hell sure - shouldn't have reciprocated.

Let me restate - consciously or subconsciously - I do not see you that way. All we are is just - to quote Pink Floyd (whom you don't seem to appreciate) - 'two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl'; two ramblers going in opposite directions running into each other. I feel trapped in "the web" of words we weaved that night, words from under our blankets - though you are the one originally afraid of spiders and webs.

PS: You look ridiculous draped in blue

Friday, August 10, 2012

Deriving from Nightmares


Ideally, the word 'scared' shouldn't feature in the dictionary of adventure, yet, I did start with bits of it in my psyche as I left for my latest adventure. However, that which just happened - even before the adventure could begin - to leave me shaking, was outside my expectations.

It is a dream nightmare I talk about - In my hours of wakeful dreaming, I have been 'dreaming big' (as they teach you to), and trying to represent myself in guidance of this (juvenile) framework as well, but in my hours under free reign of the subconscious - where there are no boundaries - the plot twists and constructs itself as one of the most detailed an saddening experience I've ever "felt". For one brief moment, I was convinced I was staring into the real face of humanity.

Interpret me the dream that goes like this.

I was in this expansive hill town (Manali itself?), and out to see a friend, who arrives in a Jeep to pick me up, alongwith a handful of other buddies of his. As we drive across the town, I meet eyes with one of my newer acquaintances; we wave to each other silently.

Soon our jeep stops somewhere - but its not where it was supposed to. I get a hunch that there's something wrong. I try to flee, but face resistance. A cop arrives with an electric baton and starts at me; the hits are painful, as electricity numbs my feet. I don't give up and fight hard, but ultimately am overpowered and taken a captive.

Next I wake up in a private estate of sorts. I'm told that there's no way to escape.
I'm also told that I will have to fight for survival - there will be one challenge after another. However, there's a creative twist - that failing to win my challenges will lead me to a life like "this"... my eyes come to stop at a sprawling garden, reminding me of Eden, and inside there are a lot of people, in their abandon, naked, living a life of luxury, sipping beverage from their colorful glasses, enjoying saunas, swimming pools.
If I continue fighting and winning my challenges, I'm told, I don't get any of this. But there was no further explanation of this road forward. No ultimate destiny of a winner was explained.

So I'm locked in these confines forever - a kind of everted Battle Royale format.

All I could comment is, that nearing Manali, at the gates of the big adventure, I met my demons.

Monday, July 02, 2012

The Hindu : Committed patriot of the Indian jungle

"The identity of a country depended not so much on its mutable human culture as on its geomorphology, flora and fauna, its natural basis." - M. Krishnan

The Hindu : Opinion / Op-Ed : Committed patriot of the Indian jungle

Said M.K. Gandhi: "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members."
Even though the above quote seems inspired from it, let us not forget guys like M. Krishnan, who were one step closer towards my personal idol.

Speaking of personal, having Krishnan's 100th anniversary coincide with the dream I woke up to is quite shaking -

... I start to set the steam, starting with venerating kisses on her thighs and leg, taking her stocking off in the process. To my amusement, her face suddenly turns pale, and her mouth open, as if she's trying to scream. I assume she's a bit mental and try consoling her. Her eyes are fixed on something, her face contorted in a look of terror that I find so alien for this moment. She limply raises a hand to point to the doorway.
I turn around, to find a black panther sitting, wide-eyed. The door he must've come in from, is now blocked, and even the animal seems confused in planning its escape. It settles to the right edge of the bed, a mere few feet from us, crouched, snarling.

I don't panic, and stand up on the bed. I'm instructing P to be calm and move to far end of the bed, but she's too scared to do anything.
I repeat myself loudly. The panther replies with a threatening growl. It then jumps onto a table at the far end in its own panic. I try shifting to a position where I could have access to the door, but the panther has some ideas of its own - trying to reach for the door, it skirts the edge of our bed, where it gets tangled in the same blanket that P is under.

Drama ensues. Shrieks and growls fill the room. I give blanket a tight shrug which not only makes the panicked feline spring itself free, and back onto the table, growling, but also gives me a chance to access the door. I carefully open the door. After anxious few seconds, the panther is driven out.
I follow the feline to the hallway, where I find a full-grown deer (बारासिंघा) startled by the sight of a predator scurrying past, and darts off opposite to the direction the panther went in ...

Sunday, April 08, 2012

mixing the two

woke up sleeping next to a guy
injecting bananas into the bloodstream for a sustained high
riding out to home
like bees on a pollen, the people crowd around the dark knights
the ghosts of yesterday engaged in a bloodbath on the road
more flowers, more pollen, more bees
bees that buzz endlessly, and that claim omnipresence
bees that force out gossip of some chieftain's glowing aspirations
sweet core of a red fruit to congest the viscera
selfish intentions rising to the core
the kid who gets duped
the clowning caught on videotape
awaiting surprises
ending up in a hotel room
staring at a bare shaved crack - inviting a lick
going up to the angry birds
and moms in discussion
no direction home
sit and dream
death by a horse
awaiting one final hit

what a sad horse

What a little tease this subconscious of mine is. Its almost tragic to be living when the best I could do is bring myself somewhere to the fringes of the dreamworld that I find myself visiting almost daily; nothing beats it, as an impromptu survey on my daytime obsession finds me piecing together the facts, and (mostly) a deeper fuss into the conscious input behind the digestive after-effects of the subconscious.

It gets annoying. Googling for the meanings is futile. Either someone is trying to make a business out of our dreams, or trying to push their own moral code behind our visual imagery, or just quoting Freud-types who generalized deductive logic, or just trying to copy (needless, crappy) content to their pages.
A horse symbolizes freedom, power, and sexual energy. Very well. But what when the horse is spraying me with bullets from his Colt, or trying to kill a dog that I just rescued, or in collusion with a mutt who would devour me once I'm hit by the pheromone capsule that the horse keeps for alternate ammunition? [in the end i cleverly trick the horse into aiming the capsule at himself - now the mutt’s unleashed on its own master]

It is, however, entertaining trying to work it out with friends, much like a puzzle. Their unsatisfactory take and your unsatisfactory take combine into great ridiculous mutations. Slapping Freud and Jung around. [wish the army would rather be into this than their excess drinking on weekends] I remember a (single) friendship taking seed from this engaging activity, but then I also see that my persistence in my active group would, conversely, lead to loss of many.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

near death and toothpaste

The three of us tread along. The fact that I don't know the other two - a guy and a middle-aged lady - might sound weird, but is true. I intermittently convey my excitement to the lady, but its a one-way affair, and I don't remember her responding to anything. Soon we reach a section where the trek apparently begins from - we can see the mountain path curving inwards to the left and going out of sight. The guy takes lead. I wait to scan the panorama for a keep, then join in, promising to reach the summit and return in record time. We seem to be doing an alpine run of sorts.

The route starts with a rocky, thorny patch. I notice that I have forgot my gloves behind. The thorns bruise me, but I decide to endure this suffering for once, and pace ahead to catch up with the guy, who walks in a world of his own; his intent, pace, and decision time tells that he's likely an experienced trekker. We are walking at the base of the hill to our left, which is a saturated green with grass, and sparsely decorated with few trees. It rises steeply, which makes any elevation gain an impossibility, which means that rather than a zigzag climb, we go deeper into the valley and either find a mountain pass, or skirt around it. Because I have a habit of hygiene during treks, I keep a kit at easy access. Now feels the right time to 'catch a brush'; I whip out my toothbrush and toothpaste and froth up a multitasking demo.
To our right, the chain of hills is further away, but because I'm in a haste, I don't give much attention to the details on my right anyways.

Soon, our feet start kicking up some water. We enter a submerged stretch. I can still make out green grass at the floor, so one can tell that its not been submerged for long; and that this kinda stuff keeps happening all the time. As we keep walking, we go deeper into water, and now I find my shoes submerged. There is something strange about the nature of this moment.

Then, the guy ahead stops dead for an ethereal moment, turns back, and walks past me in the same direction that we'd come from. Though startled, I still don't get it, but his body language does convey some alarm, and I also turn about to follow him again. Strangely, we are splashing through even more water than before now; it's a struggle. I briefly glimpse to my left, towards the farther chain of hills, and see the whole depression of the valley submerged in water, which still continues rising. It hits me.

The words "flash flood" rise in my head, followed with "swept away", followed with "drowning". I know this is the most serious situation I've ever been in. I follow close behind the guy. It is becoming more of a struggle. Holding a toothbrush in my mouth I splash ahead. Soon it becomes difficult to wade towards dry land; it seems a losing battle. I know that I cannot swim, and a single misstep would have me carried away and drowned. I try calling the guy for help, but can only mumble and froth even more.

But, as all good things go, the both of us are on dry land soon - whether I rigged my dream coz I own it, or that our feet won over the flooding, IDK.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Insecurities put upfront

Jolly way to start the day...waking up from a dream where you were inches from being bludgeoned to death. Its not strange, but outright mental, waking up to the gore of frantically clutching your cellphone in hand awaiting one of your friends to pick up, as a gang of goons corner you in the bathroom, and are to the last of their kicks that will smash open the door, following which they will drag you out and mercilessly decorate these spaces with your keen warm blood. Your nemesis - the commanding officer to the goons - watches leisurely in supreme silence. The first call to a friend fails. Now you try another friend. Meanwhile, the doors have been breached, and the gruesomeness transitions from the realm of imagination to a real stimuli (under the shower jets), while you still dearly clutch your phone, hoping to find some help.
Subconscious fears are the worst - they are fed by external images, and create an ultimate version of the sinister.

fringe dream fringe nightmare

  1. Motorbikes: Check
  2. Spiders (Venusta Orchard): Check
  3. Assholes (fingering of): Check
  4. Housewives: Check
  5. Cricket: Check
  6. Children: Check
  7. Eunuchs: Check
  8. Floating on clouds: Check
  9. Semi-Incestuous advances: Check
  10. Shrill screams: Check
  11. Dream inside a dream: Check

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Field exercises

Hiding behind the wall I could not see who was firing at me from the other side. I introduced some of my own fire from my M4A Carbine to get them into hiding, then tried to steal a look, and I did - there were two of them at the other side of the complex, themselves following a similar strategy as mine, and firing in short bursts, expecting to get lucky. I thought I could trump them with my knowledge of bullets having the power to get through certain walls at a certain angle…”wallbanging”. I fired again, several times, and my bullets tore through a chunk of wall.
I did eventually hit my present aggressor. He fell with his Kalashnikov. The one with him now took charge, pretty much the same thing; stupid AI. “Easy,” I said to myself, and continued my steady stream of fire. But with time, I could sense my bullets were going ineffective. I brought myself out of my hiding, to stage an assault. I was being careful, for he could just be sitting out there waiting for this idiotic move of mine, and so I fired a few times again, but those bullets only punched holes in the blue plastic barrels at the far end of the complex – I could confirm that the other guy wasn’t there anymore. Might he be circling around the building, looking to surprise me? Convinced of that logic, I changed my course, tracing my steps back ever so carefully. First thing I did was to exchange guns – my carbine for another dead terrorist’s Kalashnikov. I struggled, for I couldn’t remember the key to swap objects, but eventually I did. Soon I had circled about the building, without either of us surprising the other. I stood staring at the dead terrorist whom I had taken down a while back, confused as to where the other was hiding. I was out in the open, and a nervousness came over me. Could he have run away, or entered the building? Not too sure.

Suddenly I felt a shock run through me, I was numbed, I was down. I woke up.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Oddoscopia

Weird dreams again. I underwent pangs of calling off a relationship for, like, 30 minutes today, all inside my head during sleep.
Even my first coffee after waking up from the dream turned bad coz of the milk
And my stomach doesnt feel too well from the chicken (of 3 kinds), fish (of 2 kinds), squid, and crab I had yesterday.
The dogs of the neighbourhood look needy and cute on this breaking dawn. Might as well step outside myself, pet them, go out, trek, jog, climb trees, spot deer.

Monday, March 08, 2010

I dream of genie

I daydream very well. And lately, is been a reminder of how badly I need more of it.
So there was this one very interesting sequence while catching a nap in the office; there were images from my past, images that were a fantasy, images that I can't frame.

Just a couple of hours back, some channel switching on the tele got me to Discovery Channel, where they were showing x-ray footage of a snake swallowing its prey. Until that moment I hadn't been aware of this missing scene from that earlier dream - one involving snakes. I remember myself stepping into the frame of an old village courtyard, and upon sensing danger, looking about for snakes, and finally finding one - a 5m long Indian rock python.

With great dreams come lavish interpretations. Snakes can hint towards:
- Knowledge
- Temptation/Libido
- Transformation/Transition
- Failure from committment
- Hangover from past (relationships?)

The hard part of it is trying to choose your line. Trying to determine the precedence of cause over effect is always a dirty ground. A snake dream state diagram should help explain things better. In the making...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Burn My Shadow Away

Only low, strained, congested cries would come from his throat, as he gasped for everything that could help him survive. The flames had consumed him, charring him with every ticking moment, and he was aware of the explosion that would take place at any moment now. In his failing senses, all that he could comprehed were his friends at a distance, running towards him in apprehension. He wished they would rescue him. But at the same time he was also content at the thought of liberation into the unconscious, and of liberation from these flames boring into him from every side - his zest for all life negated in the fraction of a second. The symbols from recent past made him realise that what was happening was for good, for he deserved this...he needed this. He was missing it.

We roll into a few seconds back in time, when he was walking into the kitchen, sullen, with eyes that could break into a stream of tears at any moment. This phenomenon would be interesting, for he was known to be quite gutsy when it came to tough situations and emotional moments.

We roll back another 5 minutes, when he had just woken up into a surreal world, right after a surreal dream. Everything was normal, yet something was amiss. He stared into the large mirror alongside him, as he still lay on the bed. To his confusion, it was his own self staring back at him - but standing erect, returning back a snigger that conveyed both mockery and pity.

And now another couple of minutes back, when he, asleep, found himself living a surreal dream - without realising it then. In that world he was seated on his cot, as he usually would, staring across the marbled floor, as he would usually do, but at a sight that would make him rub his eyes over and over - lush forests of the himalayas and steep valleys. They were summoning him in his vision. This was what he was missing.

I was relieved that I didn't wake up into death. Just those congested cries, and a bemused Rohit staring at me.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Unrestrained Worlds Inside

Living my days in alcoholic desolation, yet I'm seeing friends all the time. Like it was just yesterday. No, today. I'm 50 miles away from them, a million miles away from some, yet they were around. How concerned and caring of them. Hmh, some will obviously infer that its the magic of internet and gifts of technology I'll be talking about. No. It's something that exists since the primeval, a technology too complex for current worlds, something created by evolution and being understood by us mortals (with the ultimately purpose to take them over).
I opened my eyes
And my world was lost,
forever.
The subconscious works in baffling ways. Dreams, some say, is how our head processes inconsistent thoughts, our actual experiences. And so I end up dreaming - besides the goofy, the epic, the paranormal and the sensual - about people and friends. The highs of a dream are difficult to match, as long as you can remember it vividly. I guess everybody's dreams always include a dash of the surreal, so are matchless in the real world - or what seems 'real'. Dreams defy the dimension of time: I met 4 of my friends across the state in a single hour of sleep. What a beauty, a great way to manage precious time! Unless their lives were pacing with uncertainty, there is no reason why a dream can't replace a generic chat.
They say an idle mind is a devil's workshop, but the body in its greatest state of idleness is forming us into what no real world thought chains can. It is the most real perception of the world, since it comes from what one subconsciously registers - a gazillion times more than what can be framed in words. Effectively, I'm analysing and knowing people while 'consumed' in myself. All in my free time. No money, no appointments, no conversations, no travel. They just happen and you wake up with a fresh memory and fresh perspective (of a person or thing), and a concern that stems not from propriety but our honest individual will. The concern is REAL.
My dreams, in a sense, have been a great equaliser. When I'm left to see inwards, I can't possibly follow the external hierarchy, the facade. I've never dreamt about the hand that feeds me or the hand that leads me; not necessarily. Dreams relate to the ones who make an impression deep inside and the 'contact', even if silently. My true celebrity cloud. If there are people that you always wanted to know, and you're kinda introvert like me, you'll know them better even before you've spoken a word to them.

"You think we know each other for a few months, but I've known you for years". Even me throwing something this trite holds credence. You know why.

Because there are worlds inside our heads that only we can understand and justify, my stress on individuality is ever so more. Each mind thrives with genuine humanity, only that we cover it up to merge with the society. The struggle to survive with the dogs breeds the evil inside us. Can we ever have a society that can be as pure and caring as we are in our abandon? Can we ever make dreams communal?

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Things to come

I was contemplating better things ahead when I fell asleep and woke to the dream of me in a bear suit chasing a girl (accompanied by her boyfriend) in a dimly-lit NY park. God knows what that hints towards.

Did make some changes at my other blog - cms upgrade, reinstalling the skin files, some no-very-visible css changes - and hope to resurrect it. There were some visible and some back-end changes to the little set of scripts I had written back in March as a tool for publishing all my future trips. Its live and working, take a look. The gallery for the Leh trip is up; just needs approval from my side to be made public - which will be within the next 12 hours. Sample some of our earlier galleries in the meantime if you've got some time.

And while the immediate world around me is in the clutches of GRE, I've got no such ambitious plans for the future. I'll be leaving for Lucknow today. I intend to visit Kukrail, the famous Crocodile and Gharial (Fresh Water Crocodile) farm, but it would surely be bunked for the lack of any company. I plan to catch up on AS 3 in the time I'm there. The Leh trip does not die this fast.