Thursday, December 02, 2010

...Goes Away in the End

For once you see me not with the eyes of their eyes and speak to me not with the words they pieced for you. As terrible as you are, as unimaginative as you are, as goody goody as you never were, but it all works. There are things that stir, lips that form a smile, and a crescendo is reached midway - it could've worked no better, let me assure you.
For once I fly high into the air again, find that smile playing between the passing clouds again, come down with a friend in hand, raise hell across the lakes again, promise myself to care again, to share again, be beat in the sands, and lost in the currents again.

I could build a house around words tonight, or at least a plush toy that could also double for my couch pillow where I would occasionally fall asleep thinking of the long silences that kept things together. I could also try to reach out again, to press the reset button and give a fuck-all to these strange equations that torment as much as they dictate the course of things, just like once earlier.

And you know what I did? I took a deep, cleansing breath and I set that notion aside. I tabled it. I said to myself, "As guileless as this may be, as potent a feeling as this is, as true a thing as I believe I have been expressed today, this is the moment that I start to forget. Time will wash away the sandy shores and dry away those placid lakes, where I once had my moments to remember."
And the moments tick by, time my eraser, as rest of the city sleeps.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

'Ol Yesterday

Hello to the saboteur of my panoramic lifestyle.
[we shake hands. I am reminded of “at laeva lacrimas muttoni absterget amica”]

I work in a haggard corporation that finds hard to produce an involving film in its mission to educate employees about the way they do business. Somebody should get paid to keep an attention span through such an abortion – a polished and sterile narrator, sterile suits in sterile environs sermonizing, and such affectation that can only hint at drug abuse (sans the fluidity and originality of thought). Between the bouts of sleep and the bouts of diahorrea, I barely manage to grasp the revelation that we are a customer-centric organization with a zealous streak to succeed and drive the market - that was new, I didn’t realize that earlier, I feel enraptured.

Seized by these flashing images of snow fields inside my head – not vast endless snow fields, but in patches, like after a light round of snowing, where the charred ground and mottled grass feature in equal proportions with the carpet of snow. That is the look most villages in upper Garhwal region would bear these days, when the locals desert their villages for more comfortable ones at lower altitudes (they live in a duality), and first snows of the season have fallen. Even their Gods descend down with them. Much of the snow – or old snow – I’ve come across has been of this variety. Yes, I do not get to play in it or eat it or make out with some girl wearing furs, but it gives you boundless reign of adventure. Thankfully, it’s no sea.

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Monday, November 29, 2010

Our son is researching on outer space

All the sincere thoughts as a foreword to this day now possibly stand as mere rhetoric, knowing well that intrusive thoughts about intergalactic affairs would keep me involuntarily occupied. I should not be reading about sex in space, if I did want a sane day. Well, leaving out the recreational aspects of such read, it is an important research area on the future of humankind. Vomit Comet and The Uranus Experiment clips could give me more practical insight.
Imagine a spacecraft of the future, with a crew of a thousand ladies, off for Alpha Centauri, with 2,000 breasts bobbing beautifully and quivering delightfully in response to every weightless movement . . . and I am the commander of the craft, and it is Saturday morning and time for inspection, naturally.
I wish, for once, my Saturday morning would start with such hilarious inspections.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Weekly moulting

Coming across idols from the 60/70s, one could feel having lost a track of our society's progression...what 80s and 90s came up with was the image of a cosmopolitan brute, quite another universe from the likes of then-existing gods - Bowie, Beatles, and Bond. For a scholarly discussion to its roots, please get in touch with not-me.

So it happens I had another unstable weekend, and it was exciting in the latter half, halfway-exciting in the former half, and somewhere in between the two jumps I lost a track of my life and lay googling, and ogling, and doodling.
It was reformatory, but a wrong reform in the context of my vastly potential life that everybody finds could be well spent in the sterile and formal corridors of our always-hot industries. Who distracts himself with soul food? Who finds time for nature? Who tries fingering death on a weekend? Who finds the world? Who thinks about the world?, ultimately, Who thinks?

With the mental grease off, I could help myself with some facts. At 1430 we think of moving out. At 1440 I start with some movie on Varun's laptop. At 1600-ish we're done with another hour and a half of hollywood inanitites; we dig out and feast on some peanut butter in the meantime, jump gently. Finally we mutually help dragging each other out in the open, beyond those doors. And we move for the greener climes in the distance - it's a reservoir/dam that we've to get to; it should be the East/South-East direction that Varun presently points towards.

On the bike, and off the slacking. We drive on for 15 minutes before feeling lost (the roads are there, but Varun's unsure); asking around gives us unsure remarks about the existence of that place. "Directions to the dam, please" soon changes its general form to "Directions to behind that cliff, please" ... we were using our instincts to map the location to our present position, which would put it right behind the cliff next to us. (In under the next hour we'd learn we couldn't have done worse - well, blame it on Varun.) We change directions from what the locals tell us. We tear out from the hustle bustle, and now are slowly winding along a dirt track that boasts of some horrible mud patches that could kill our journey. We enter and exit small villages, and by the time we're hesitant of going deeper in, we're almost there, as we find out from a stoned villager. Some of the worst roads, and we land up by a quarry - work on hold here on a Sunday.
A teenage kid Imtiaz sleeping atop a white, minivan-sized generator watches over the orange bulldozer, while the operator himself takes a dip down there in a pool inside the quarry. We exchange words, gather intel on the directions and surprises that lay along our path, and start our trek with a rough steep climb onto the hill that the quarry itself has eaten into. THE END.

When you climb to the top of the mountain
Look out over the sea
Think about the places perhaps, where a young man could be
Then you jump back down to the rooftops
Look out over the town
Think about all of the strange things circulating round

Look at me

I do my little ramp imitation as I walk back to my seat from the bay door; pronounced steps, a slight swagger; nobody takes notice, and my kick stays with me. Back on the seat, hunched, drowsy, confused, restless, wasted; you could kill me had you seen me rambling forward on the chronological axis in this state. Boss-gamma-mama tries taking interest in my assigned task for a while, and after a while of actually trying to explain him the task at hand, I simply hurl some tech jargon to see him scampering away. I love seeing people scamper away like that.

I barely invest my time in anything while in this corporate zoo. Even scribbling down seems tedious – it’s like the spirit of the working class enters my body upon an entry in the office, making me do all this ugly stuff that I don’t want to.  My technical bent is a long lost brother now, a castaway from my own heart, like a king impeached partially by circumstances, much by guile, waiting with its forces outside the town for the day when it could claim its reign again. I doodle these silly things on my table desk (right now it’s a bad conception of Shiv Sena’s snarling tiger), conditional on access to a working whiteboard marker, rub them away, maybe write words in strange/skewed typefaces, or something in foreign language (Arbeit Macht Frei seems appropriate atm); I have lately ended up messing my trousers or those lighter coloured shirts with a stray marker trail.

In some time we are legally entitled to leave. "Well, we could. But we won't." The people around are on track to be voted the best vegetables in town; no insistence or convincing helps; an imitation war of sorts. I can feel a Silence of the Lambs in here...

- What did you see, Clarice? What did you see?
- Lambs.
- They were screaming.
- They were slaughtering the spring lambs?
- And they were screaming.
- And you ran away?
- No. First I tried to free them.
- I opened the gate to their pen, but they wouldn't run.
They just stood there, confused. They wouldn't run.
- But you could - and you did, didn't you?

If we were a pill, we’d have tangibly seen ourselves losing our character with the daily circular motion of the sun that sets our lives stirring, dissolving us faster and faster in the ether of humanity, till we all contribute a common consistency to the impotent chemical solution called life that nobody would ultimately drink for no great thirst to satisfy. It’d just spill over someday, perhaps… as insignificant a moment as our entire lifetimes have been (or will be).

Friday, November 19, 2010

Occsionally white and nerdy

The 'Nerdcore being' dormant inside had a revision after "The Social Network" yesterday. Nothing great about the movie - nothing great about a standard plot of genius, success and betrayal combined with excessive depiction of women as fuck objects, - but it all was amazingly riveting - the direction, the camera, NiN, the geekery. I am a resurgent geek today, though still balancing my bitpop-and-API-doting in the office hours with an excursion to Mocha's for some beer and general life conditioning. Difficult times.

Have had plenty of prancing around since my feet combined with the cc-s of Rohit's Unicorn, and die wille fueled by Chandresh (major stakeholder of my weekend's fun), Shruti, and Malvika. Each day a different note, kinda like a disharmonious orchestra, a kitsch pop number. Hope it matures into a melody.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

On Kashid Beach

Afraid to die, or afraid to live? I have been having my rockstar day.
The sand all in my hair and the nape of my neck and in my toes giving that nostalgia of a couple of hours back. Lying in the ocean, periodically under and out of the sickly saline waters, staring up at the rising half moon, the soft cloud stubs that make shapes, and the burning humanity jamming out at far distance.
Now, the clapping of waves dominates the senses tonight. 0000hrs. Sounds of distant thunder do make you tingle in anticipation, but you know it wouldn't show up. A half moon brings some details to relief - like the shoreline, the ridges, and the tiny pebbles at the shore left behind now that the ocean has receded over the course of night.

My thoughts as tiny as those pebbles make it to the conscious. A muteness pervades - one that you get after a jump, bad T-rush, good fish. Oh how gladly I transmitted my head-load of thought/trash at a panicked pace to when over the phone with Anu and Ghoru (they must be thinking I'd just had sex).
//20101114

Sym Cam Lava

Oh, life is fun fuck.

Pa's karma has me sitting out here in Lavale, inside the ginormous Symbiosis campus, at the balcony of our trendy guest house, overlooking the landscape dotted by very few trees, and by symbols of human luxury - gold courses, homes of the rich (first thing upon my arrival, I was pointed out to the two lightbulbs that shine outside Jackie Shroff's home on the opposite hilltop), concrete industrial menaces, and ponds; that is just one half of my view - the other still lays enveloped in the morning fog that descended after a night of intermittent rain. It's 0900 but the air still conveys a semi-romantic, semi-obscure, somewhat broody mood. I bet the arrival of the glamour on the weekend does that - I could well imagine a Jack-Daniels-high Jackie Shroff in his Jacuzzi having a fuckfest with his half dozen women partners all day long, then descending down for 'a golf' at his own golf course in later half of the day, while his vaginae sober up for another evening's performance. Well, enough of my depraved self-projections; maybe Mr. Jackie Shroff is out there on his balcony right now, writing about the depraved, isolated, self-gratifying, ugly, and indulgent lifestyle of the new urban middle class (of which I make a part of).

In the meantime, somebody silently crept up to me, and called in others to join in, all outside my knowledge. I couldn't hear a single tick. As it happens, several ants have taken over my floor, clamoring for the cake crumbs which were a result of my morning tea out here with Pa. Ant lines on the marble floor reminds of "marching ants" - oh dear, I miss Photoshop.
A few birds - I can hear an owl or some deep hooting species, maybe mynah, and sparrow, and a peacock sometime back - contribute dully to this dull atmosphere. Sun has just been allowed a passage to the earth by the nimbus overhead.

Oh look, a first bird in sight, a white stork.

I will name my language Klingon. Wait...

Have been thinking of over-the-counter medication as a fad and for my pending (teenage) trip. It almost feels a necessity right now, when the weight of the world somehow gets lost in translation, and all that one interprets is a cured, filtered-for-consumption version of it.

Maybe I should learn a new language, because I have repeatedly found myself an F- student at my knowledge of words and phrases like 'future growth prospects', 'career planning', 'rat race', 'aspirations', 'life goals', 'compromises', 'being real', 'see Mr. XYZ's kid who's doing so well', 'marriage'. I should rather work on finding a langugage where all this condensed to 'जियो' or 'live on' and that would be all we could advise to our peers and the younger ones upon whom we see moralistic and idologistic-philosophy-pounding a prerogative.
Yes, indeed, Language is the solution to my situation - Let's invent one!

PS: the only other word in the vocab would be 'awesome'
PPS: In my context, certain words that should also be condensed whereforth they will lose their meaning - 'random hardons', 'stroking', 'alcohol abuse', '5AM-high', 'skinny dipping'

Friday, November 12, 2010

Burning eyes, the burnt rolled cigarette butts, and a pining to burn through the weekend. It's always interesting seeing where one branches out to, against the options available right before that instant (for me that instance would probably be an absolute confirmation/denial from Chandresh). Remember the Many-Worlds? The present possibilities look fruitful; even the present dejections seem productive. It's a simple equation - if I'm not on the road, either biking or biking, then I'm exploring the beaches; if not that, then I'm entering into the fictional world of Goncharov; if that gets a miss there's the terminal.

Time to write something long. Let me burn first.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Field exercises

Hiding behind the wall I could not see who was firing at me from the other side. I introduced some of my own fire from my M4A Carbine to get them into hiding, then tried to steal a look, and I did - there were two of them at the other side of the complex, themselves following a similar strategy as mine, and firing in short bursts, expecting to get lucky. I thought I could trump them with my knowledge of bullets having the power to get through certain walls at a certain angle…”wallbanging”. I fired again, several times, and my bullets tore through a chunk of wall.
I did eventually hit my present aggressor. He fell with his Kalashnikov. The one with him now took charge, pretty much the same thing; stupid AI. “Easy,” I said to myself, and continued my steady stream of fire. But with time, I could sense my bullets were going ineffective. I brought myself out of my hiding, to stage an assault. I was being careful, for he could just be sitting out there waiting for this idiotic move of mine, and so I fired a few times again, but those bullets only punched holes in the blue plastic barrels at the far end of the complex – I could confirm that the other guy wasn’t there anymore. Might he be circling around the building, looking to surprise me? Convinced of that logic, I changed my course, tracing my steps back ever so carefully. First thing I did was to exchange guns – my carbine for another dead terrorist’s Kalashnikov. I struggled, for I couldn’t remember the key to swap objects, but eventually I did. Soon I had circled about the building, without either of us surprising the other. I stood staring at the dead terrorist whom I had taken down a while back, confused as to where the other was hiding. I was out in the open, and a nervousness came over me. Could he have run away, or entered the building? Not too sure.

Suddenly I felt a shock run through me, I was numbed, I was down. I woke up.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Gardening

Foreign Flower
Something clambered up to the surface in me yesterday - the primordial desire to cultivate. As I ambled along the open spaces outside my office complex, there was a strange sensation in observing the grass artificially growing in modest patches. More than those verdant patches did I find interest in the dug out portions of the earth – the brown earth, often clumped together in fist-sized chunks, the roots haphazardly sticking out, in a violent fashion, like a scene of genocide. The gaping hole in the earth was strangely inviting; maybe it was an invitation to creation, somebody had to fill it in, I wanted to be that somebody.

My envy for the day went towards the gardener, whom I had caught at work earlier in the day. He was working on a tiny patch of grass, right there as you step out the conditioned environs of the office. It was nothing very challenging – he had carved out an area which he was methodically carpeting with new grass. I was drawn-in to the extent of forgetting the embarrassment of conveying my idleness (when you are a worker, you do have to look busy – a cellular conversation, smalltalk with fellow colleagues, a notebook to scratch on, those darned shoe laces that never stay put… anything but an extravagant display of nothingness).

We humans are a grassland-loving species, we like to put our lands to use, to cultivate, and I won’t doubt a wider reach of this instinct. I have grown up seeing lots of Uncles sharing a passion/indulgence for gardening – scoops, rakes, watering cans – that you wonder why they only blame the opposite sex of being sedate in their own artificial worlds. I have heard of army men growing gardens to escape their dull routine abroad – creating a new landscape within the new landscape that they have been posted to. Alas, I presently have nothing but a couple of dying/dead plants in tiny pots on my balcony; they get little sunlight and no human attention. There is no grass I could grow, no garden I could rake of dead leaves in the autumn, or rose bushes that I could prune. Another cry inside to get back home asap.

Remember Shirke ?!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Why so light?

Won't be long before I drift into my today's sleep; 0830 in the morning. Being irresponsible with your schedule is exciting; Juhu beach is exciting at dawn as well; so is Shruti's company. Already having come a full circle, rest of my waking hours would be spent trying to catch sleep; hard luck for me that life has such abundance to offer and yet we have to steal everything, including sleep, including our own expression. I also have this entity called 'office' where I'm supposed to spend time and get rich.

Mumbai is a crazy city. By the time - 0700 - we were on our way back from the beach, the traffic had swelled to an extent that it seemed no different from 0900. There were cops about, sneaking about traffic signals, writing a new chapter in the Indian history of corruption - its INR 50 for jumping light, 100 for no license, and 200 for no legal proof of owning the bike. I was miffed by the noise of traffic constituting my dawn, a day that had begun so serenely.

Rewinding back, this morning I woke up at 0540 with a tingling sensation all over the body. I had only an hour's sleep, and the jumps were still pumping through me, hence the condition. As usual for the first half of the week, I found myself wondering about the weekend foods that could've got me this stomach upset.
To remind myself, tonight is going to be another night of indulgence - Abhishek's only got this day before his religious dedications restrict him from meat.

// 20100907

Burn my shadow away

Was overcome with an unbearable tide of emotions by this evening. To my luck I could sneak away from the office sans a trace. Wiled time at R-City; then later, dismayed at the find that there existed no Shopper's Stop inside - I had free coupons to feed my materialistic minimality - I immediately employed a rickshaw to get me home. Melancholy took hold through the journey - I walked into my apartment in mere folds of flesh, there was a vacuum inside.

I was reminded of that which a few of my friends confided to me "I wept on many days"; their experience of living by themselves and facing the de-humanizing aspects of their employed roles brought from thoughts into tangible weight of their tears.
Well, keeping the trend going I too tried, but I couldn't - it seemed ridiculous and self-defeating. Had I not forgotten the fact that I was also out of toilet rolls and Maggi, perhaps I'd have bawled.

Archival Diary Entry//20100907

Friday, September 10, 2010

Warming hands by the fire again

My travel log might see some fresh ink soon. My shoes will taste some real soil again. My lungs will breathe in some happy air again. My skin will feel the touch of wild flowers (as I tie on a mountain slope) again, and the numbing sensation of sparkling brook waters will haunt my feet for more days to come. I
have gone malnourished in the hunger for adventure, I have gone mental in the lust for my being with nature. I hope this could give me answers. Sikkim and Bhutan is on the cards, have to fill the boat that will rock those corners, have to make plans.

Ich imagine coming across some travel author who takes me in for her protege.

Marriages are made in heaven

It would not be surprising to see why religion and arranged marriages go well. India is a shining example, a country that boasts of a "religious character". Marriage is a bond between two people. IT takes forever for two to know each other. What better than train them on the same framework, same decition-making guidelines, mo matter how flawed or historically inconsistent they are? Unless somebody can define themselves or sum their living in a word - eg Hindu, Muslim, Christian... - they cannot sell. Selling ourselves is what religion is for. Who cares how well people personally know each other, learn to guess the instinctive side of other's character? When there's a framework that the society (unjustly) rewards you for why be particularly unique, or try to find the perfect soulmate?
"Marriages are made in heaven", when interpreted this way seems logical. We have created a stable framework, supposedly written and ruled by an otherworldly entity that punishes us for a thousand deaths if we break the code. Hence they know those rooted in a religion would not dare break that code; they would not dare anything less (or more) towards a human being by the type of relationship they're in with. Hence a mere background check for criminal record and genetic defeciencies works well. Oh how easy it gets for them. And then they cry about the thousand sins, deviancies that their bile pushes them to.

And that, of course, is the original opposition to an inter-faith marriage. Like getting a Java expert into a C# project. Like pairing an OOP expert with a procedural programming adherent.

Someday my life would find this occurence...
"Sugar, I've always been a PHP guy and you're a VB.NET gal. This cannot work between us."

Monday, September 06, 2010

trouser-gyan

I should rather put this in my other blog, since a 'geek' isn't restricted to the computer domain. So it happened that I savoured content on the construction of trousers in the past hour. It started with the attached description of my newly-purchased trousers: "...cut in flat-front style, custom fit. Sits just below the waist, straight through hip and thigh, with straight leg opening..."
What be flat-front? What be this 'below-the-waist' stuff? Why is it straight through my thighs?

And so my trouser-gyan led me to finding out why my uncle's above-the-waist style of wearing trousers holds such a charm, the purpose of pleats (that isn't always applicable), and the story behind cuffs at the bottom. It led me to suspect my recent purchase; as a result I have decided to do away with the cuffs, trim my waist handles before I could put on these trousers, be more analytical the next time I'm out for another pair, and never iron my trousers the wrong way (which, I have been led to believe, I have been doing since eternity). I might as well have them custom-stitched - back to the days when my father would have those done for me; he would surely be astonished at this profound learning.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Flying lessons in the morning

It is 8 in the morning and often my day starts much beyond this. But at the present moment, I am well awake, bubbling with thoughts, and feel excited (in its classical literal meaning). Hot water from a soaked towel runs over my left buttock, losing its intensity, yet fulfilling its purpose by the time it breaks into tiny streams that would cascade down the thighs and onto another towel underneath me. I am filled with a relief.

Imagine me a sybarite; but the deviants would probably guess better - I am recovering shortly after having an accident.

Friend: Aur weekend me kya plan hai
me: my wkend started with flying lessons in the morning
*not of the kind you'd expect
Friend: ok
me: ahem, hey, wht'd you infer, btw?
Friend: Inference, I don't know
I would like you to explain
But I have seen you online the whole night
so was a little worried
pyaar to nahi ho gaya na tujhe
me: pyaar ka koi vichaar nahin
Friend: just joking
what are those flying lessons
me: so it happens that my proactive day - another weekend where I woke up to ensure my eternity - started with a 9km walk from my cousin's place to back home, and I got hurled in the air by a bajaj avenger midway
Friend: you mean and accident
* an accident
me: yep, tales of the common man
Friend: kaisa hai be?
what about injuries
I hope it's not serious
me: no, nothing broken. nothing bleeding.
Friend: nice way you put things up
me: my rear took much of the damage
Friend: That's great
me: jeans and shirt torn
Friend: vo sab to thik hai
galti kiski thi
me: both of a swerving autowallah and a speeding biker

But I, like every man, am a being of pure survival. It did not take much time for me to come to senses. Survey of my limbs, survey of the bystanders' reactions to ensure I wasn't bleeding, gathering my sensory impulses to analyse the extent of my injuries, then taking a few deep breaths before breaking into my first words to communicate my disappointment at both the involved parties, then recollecting the spills from my pocket scattered on the road.

Shaqeel, a cab driver that represented the best of humanity at that moment helped to wash my bruised palms, and volunteered to drive me some distance ahead. To his surprise, instead of hinting at an anxiety to get home in haste, I got down by the shores of Powai Lake. "Sit by Powai Lake to catch the sunrise" was on my itinerary, you see.
Alas, the sky was/is too cloudy today. I did enjoy the serenity, nevertheless, my eyes wandering off to the far ends of this lake to imagine a bask of crocodiles somewhere. Then some more listlessly staring-into-the-horizon, I started feeling the boredom and the pain and headed for home. Pain makes for a bad awareness - it sucks you inward, to your core Darwinian impulses, you cannot come up with a metaphysical theory or chart your future.

Now it seems difficult getting back on track with my superhuman fitness routine that would've been starting this evening.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Fantasy cocktail - (theoretical) pleasure of pain

Launching an offensive against the roaches that breed in my kitchen, and seeing them flit about shortly thereafter after the poison has entered their system was a defeated satisfaction, because I didn't hate them enough to imagine them dying. What I could imagine was a torture experiment:

Me standing upright, being tied on all my axes. A section of both my arms would be cordoned off from the rest of the body; perhaps a 5-inch strip starting from the elbow and towards the hand. This section on each arm would be exposed to certain species of insects that have a historical notoriety for their assault on anything living. For contextual comfort, let us assume ants (preferably the black or red ones) on the left arm, and wasps on the right. The ants could be incited by some sugar syrup on my arm; the wasps could be teased by a throbbing in my arm, having me clench my fists repeatedly. The whole thing would last for 180 seconds, after which the insects would be sprayed with smoke, so as to merely lose their grip and fall off, without meeting death.

Preparations complete. Let they be let loose.
The ants tear through my flesh; the wasps inject into it. Rapid firings in my head, unbearable pain. This would be those Discovery Channel shows we so curiously watch, taken to the extreme - makes you wonder why we are so curious about it in the first place. First minute would be the most exciting...the insects would learn my existence and communicate of my solitary existence in the otherwise vacuum that they've been put in. They might probably try befriending my arm at first, and playfully caress the skin, before coming to a conclusion that their attempts have failed. This would be the first minute of our rendezvous - the most amusing and least interesting as the insect behavior is quite indecipherable to us humans.

The next minute would start with a swelling dissatisfaction for the wasps as they could neither trace food nor friendship, nothing except this throbbing unfriendly tissue that my arm is; the ants would have discovered sugar centers on my arm by this time, and thanking their gods for the excess. With these facts, the ants bite into me in joy, while the wasps sting me in disgust. If I were spiritual, I would fain accept the ants' actions. If I were of the Rosseau clan, I would be elated at what the wasps were at. Being an educated person who is familiar to both, I would expect myself to be in rapture at my physical annihilation.

The third and final minute would be mine. All mine, as the ants would have reached the soft tissue beneath my flesh while the wasps' poison and pain of the sting would have been announced all across my nervous system. Each individual finger would try a heroic effort to stretch across the divide, but to no effect. Every extremity of my body would be twitching involuntarily. I couldn't possibly be more agreeable to death than at this time. Darwin would probably set sail again to formulate a new theory. By the end of this minute, I would have collapsed entirely into myself.

(to added effect, and to further impress Kafka, we could have these insects etch out my crime, which I am able to decipher at the end of the last minute)