Ich Liebe Lucknow

So you get to learn that girlfriend trouble could be sorted through with a convenient murder. And that arranging for a murder would put you back by 3 lakhs. And that the assassin would be handpicked by your friend - also your middleman - from Jaunpur. And in case your friend is well acquainted with the assassin - who will have 5 or 6 pending cases in this dark city, so another murder in his hands won't be a big deal - then it would be reduced to a lakh; but the money would have to be given upfront. No shortcuts allowed - slicing off a limb or two, or simply sending your enemy to the grave, both are equally priced. Again, I assert, payment through cash only.

So you get to learn what being on the front page for a murder feels like. And how having an arm bent to the extent of having the bones burst through the ligament feels like in all its visual splendor.

So you get to learn about the admission industry, and how MBA grads see it more worthy a career than their Nomura and Bank of America placements. How 1.5Cr per annum is achievable. How the entire machine of state education falls. How you switch between IIFTs and IIMs during admissions.

So you get accused - and henceforth reprimanded - for staring lustfully at an Army Officer's wife (when in fact you were staring lustfully at the Army Officer's daughter). And you learn that you were never good enough in physical proportions - Army's mode of invalidation. You climb 4300m to find that your shoulders weren't swell enough to prove it.

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