Sorry, that is not where I intended to start from. Just making my resentment public. I did want to speak about myself this time. Not philosophy but a me that is the meat and the mass. What got me writing this was an honest observation:
"Are you this thin because you cycle?" she asked.
It was our first meeting and I was _naturally_ looking reduced. Not reduced in terms of what I used to be at the peak of my lardage. Not reduced compared to the times I walk out after a good dinner. Somebody I'm speaking to the first time, and they think I'm waning.
"What! I'm not", I said.
"You are. You must not be loving food or must be dieting or something".
I flared up, "Stop saying that. I'm a foodie, a real one. This is like an insult to me". Then I continued with making accusations at my 'opposition', like when people direct their anger at the mongrels alongside the road when they are flustered about their own car breaking down.
I did give it a serious thought later. This wasn't the first time my health was mentioned in the past week.
"You look _VERY_ thin", said A.
"You're difficult to identify now that you mix with the lean crowd", said Aa.
"Bhaiya aap to kaafi patle ho gaye", said K.
"Tu kaafi kam ho gaya hai", said S(R)K.
And then there were the mindless accusations from the family everytime I'd visited Lucknow. Yes, mindless. Because the comments have stayed consistent for the past many years, no matter how consistent I've been with my dimensions and weight. They will always speak about how I "used" to look healthier and if I'd been sick lately.
"NO, I haven't been sick. The fact that I haven't had a single medicine since I've been managing things by myself stands a testament to that. And in the meantime 3 of my friends fell to jaundice. Some had virals. And Delhi had Dengue, even a guy living two doors away perished. NO, I haven't been weak. I've undertaken quite grueling activities and been into sports and into cycling and trekking...and this is just to start with. And then the chemicals are circulating fine as well; I'm thinking alright and more dense than before. When you actually see me feeling unwell, tell me. All you do now is set my 2003's 87kg peak as the benchmark and judge me 'weak' by that.
That 87 reduced down to 85. The days where the mass used to move up and down in an almost jubilant fashion when stick fighting or jumping around the fire with friends - have that on tape. Then I entered college and soon I was living through my days of 75; for a long time - the kind where you are disgusting to look at only when taped secretly from the side bedding a girl in some hotel room (c'mon we're all aware of the days of fruition of voyeurism in India). No fire dances, only treks and really cool photos in the meanwhile (ps: no *** tapes - I was just giving an example). And then I started living by myself and the 75 naturally came to 67, measured just a couple of weeks ago, when people started making that obvious observation. 67. Something where I might feel alarmed. Not because it impairs my daily routine, it doesn't - Delhi can be lived through on just biscuits for the weekdays with a nice treat out with friends on the weekend. It was alarming because it means I'm less of a survivor when out with nature. And to make amends I was back to 70 in a week. A week at 70, Then 73. Now. Whoo. Yes, reasonably happy. More so because it's all on a diet of good carbs and good fat (no trans-). No bun tikkis at junk McDonalds. And the best part is, it doesn't show. "Where'd it go?"
It is a leisure to stuff oneself up :)
One thing that doesn't have to do much with the physical proportions is hair. They are dandy and disease-free, unlike a friend whose eyebrows are enough of a terror when you come close - they shed dandruff.
Mr J's first reaction - seeing me after a long break - was to mention that my disheveled look (hair and all) was "cool...like John Mayer or something". Mr K - seeing me after a similar gap - equated that to Himesh Reshammiya's. Don't smile...laugh at that comparison. I myself did. But does trigger a thought if John Mayer and Himesh Brother stand on the same rung of the ladder in their music circles. Yes. Both start off with a bang. Both are the new cash-making machines. Both drive masses mad. Their initial albums and their debut year sees great success. Only that Reshammiya is a 10-year jump to Mayer. Think about it - Mayer sings about lying in bed with her chick in 'Your Body is a Wonderland', and Reshammiya is already lamenting about the break-up in 'Aashiq Banaya Aapne'. Mayer then misses the corridors of his high school in 'No Such Thing' in a defeated desperation while Reshammiya is already pacing into summoning those days back in 'Aaja Aaja'. If Mayer is the prelude, Reshammiya the finale.
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